Here it is, Thanksgiving Weekend… and while I’m thankful for so much in my life, this year has been a struggle more than most years. But it’s also had some great times. This ‘take-2-steps-forward-and-1-back’ up and down process has taught me much about resilience and I am thankful for that.
One year ago last month, I lost my second husband Jim, suddenly, to a widow-maker heart attack. We were
married nearly 12 years. It was a shock, he had just turned 64. We had tickets for a show that evening and plans booked to travel. He was on his way to work… then GONE! Jim had three adult children, it was tough on all of us. Also, in the last 4 months, I’ve lost 7 extended family members and friends.. a lot.
Grief is a familiar companion to me. Years ago, I lost three children. My 21-year-old son Brent died in a motorcycle accident, my full-term 3rd son Robbie was stillborn, and I had a miscarriage. My 30-year first marriage ended after we lost Brent. I went from a mindset of retirement and grandchildren to starting over at 51.
Other types of loss touched me as well. I was laid off twice after 10 years by two different companies due to economic downturns, plus my husband and I had to shut down a travel agency we purchased that we did not make successful. I nearly lost two homes over those events — it took time to rebound. Physically, I had another challenge; after a bad fall, I lost the site in my right eye. A few years later, when the eye became painful, it was removed and replaced with a prosthetic. I felt both the loss of sight and the loss of a body part separately.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not complaining, others have it much worse. I am happy, blessed with wonderful family and friends, love where I live and what I do now. All this has taught me to be resilient, in a way that I know I can survive anything!
A year or so ago, I was writing regular blogs and newsletters to help grievers but I stopped when Jim died. I did try to restart after six months — I wasn’t ready. I was also very busy with a focus on our emotion-evoking “Portraits of Loss” photo shoots and I traveled the country hosting them at grief related events. I think I may have unconsciously forced the ‘busy’ to avoid some of the pain of losing Jim. It’s hitting me harder in year 2. That’s OK. Resilience is not about handling loss perfectly… it is defined as the ability to recover, to adjust to misfortune or change; elasticity; buoyancy. This can include ups, downs and restarts. Here is an interesting article by Psych Central on “What Is Resilience”
I’ve decided it’s time to relaunch in a more positive and consistent manner. I want you to get to know me more. I’d like to share more of my experiences, mistakes, resilient moments and what I’ve learned. I want to showcase the resilience I see in so many others I meet. All to help others find resilience in themselves after loss. Here’s my first short Introduction video.
So… Look for the following as we wrap 2018 and start 2019:
- Renaming ‘Photos of Loss” to “Faces of Resilience”
- Joint books with Grief Diaries on these photos of real people enduring loss
- Blogs on my experiences as a new widow and seasoned bereaved mother
- Tips on holidays, things I’ve learned, other ideas or resources that may help
- Short Videos about me, the organization, tips, events, our photos and more
- An enhanced Resource Center from a broad range of sources
Back to Thanksgiving weekend… I’d like to THANK ALL OF YOU for following me, for your comments, support and inspiration. I heal while interacting with you — KEEP IT UP PLEASE… I appreciate your honest feedback!
XO… in gratitude …supporting your resilience
Barbara J Hopkinson
President & Executive Director
