Is it a Herculean effort to be grateful during the holidays?

Do you find it nearly impossible to celebrate anything?

Are you finding it difficult to cherish the people who remain in your life after losing someone very special to you?

After traumatic loss, it is difficult to get ourselves to a place where we want to celebrate holidays, anyone else, or anything else.  We often need to be a bit selfish in order to survive.  But it is important to celebrate and be grateful for others around us.  

Think about it — wouldn’t your lost loved one want you to celebrate your family? Your friends? The holidays?  Their lives? Wouldn’t they be celebrating with you if physically here on Earth?  Aren’t they still celebrating with you while in spirit?  I bet they are!

The more you can focus on being grateful for those around you, the quicker you will heal, and the more positive things will come your way.  Thanksgiving is this month, the perfect time to practice gratitude…  even though holidays are difficult after loss.  Give yourself a break.  Let people help you with the dinner or gathering.  Better yet, let someone else do it and  bring something (that is easy on you) to help them.  They’ll appreciate you, you appreciate them.

Outwardly showing appreciation for your other grieving family members will help them heal too, and can lift them into a more positive state of mind.  Celebrate their occasions and victories — don’t ignore them because you feel loss.  It just makes them feel more loss (their relationship with you) than they already have endured.  Staying morose and ignoring them could even cause resentment of your lost loved one.  This is especially true around the loss of one child in a multi-child family, or spouses grieving differently over the loss of their child.  The ones remaining need more TLC than ever!  Be understanding.  Be thankful for them. You can be sure your lost family member is there celebrating with them — join them!

My 32-year-old son Brad recently got engaged to a wonderful woman.  I am so happy for them!  I lost his older brother Brent and his younger brother Robbie, but I know they are happy for Brad too.  I could feel that they were at the engagement party which I hosted last weekend for Brad and his lovely fiancee. It will be difficult not to have his brothers physically at the wedding, but I believe they will be there in spirit.  Actually Brent already sent me a message through a trusted friend and medium that he will be there… in a tux and cufflinks!  We will celebrate the wonderful occasion, and our growing family as well as the love we have for each other, ALL of us.

So, celebrate those school, work and personal triumphs with your other family members.  Celebrate your love for them.  Celebrate the holidays with those remaining close to you.  It will make you all happier, more grateful and more healed.  

Wishing you have a loving, peaceful and grateful Thanksgiving holiday.

Supporting you on your journey to a new normal.

   Barbara J Hopkinson, President & Exec Dir.,
   A Butterfly’s Journey… To A New Normal

PS  Please SHARE this blog with other grievers. Thank You.