Most people have one.
It is often tough because of the loss of a loved one close to them. It might be because of the memory or another kind of difficult loss. Grief Recovery Institute says there are more than 40 types of loss that can produce grief, including looses that involve death, divorce or end of a relationship, loss of health, major financial changes, moving, career changes, loss of faith, and many others.
Just looking at loss from death, there are several dates that cause us t
o increase our grieving – birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparents Day, Sibling Day, family events (birthdays, weddings, birth of a new child, graduations, other special occasions), and even what we call “angel-versaries” or the anniversary of a loved one’s death. It’s amazing we have any good months!
My tough month is May. My 21-year-old son Brent’s birthday is May 8th, which is always within a few days of Mother’s Day, this year it was exactly on Mother’s Day. I spent my first Mother’s Day in the hospital the weekend I gave birth to him, as he was my oldest. Then the motorcycle accident in which he died was on May 31st. His fiancee Laura graduated from Arizona State University (his college) in May the year after he died and I wanted to be going to his graduation. My 30-year marriage split apart with both a final decision one May and the final divorce decree the following May. Needless to say, May has not been my favorite month, historically.
But I have a new perspective now and May isn’t so bad after all. I’ve worked hard, found my new normal, and believe three important things that help me.
- I believe that my son’s life was a gift to me; I no longer think of it just as a loss
- I believe that my son’s spirit continues and that I still have a relationship with him
- I believe that he wants me to focus on the love, find joy and be well… not to stay in pain
So now, when May rolls around, as it is this month… I celebrate his birthday, I pamper myself on Mother’s Day and I honor him on his angel-versary. I’ve forgiven both sides of the divorce and let it go.
I no longer dread May coming. It’s not like I’m never sad during May, but I accept however I’m feeling and it is okay. Most of the time, I feel much better than I used to and when I have some sad feelings, I don’t try to push them away. I acknowledge them, I might write about them, I might talk to Brent — then I think of some silly positive memory I have with him and I feel better!
Focus on the positive memories. Put the painful ones more to the background.. Know that your loved ones want you to heal, to feel better, to enjoy life again. Know that you will be with them again someday and that meanwhile they are well and looking in on you. Nothing breaks the bond of love, not even death.
So, hang in there and know that your toughest month of the year doesn’t have to be tough forever…
If you’d like, schedule a free 30-minute healing conversation with me HERE.
…supporting your journey to a new normal.
Barbara
Barbara J Hopkinson
President & Executive Director
If you know someone it would help, please SHARE.
Be sure to LIKE/Follow us or SUBSCRIBE to our newsletter, Thank You!
Most people have one.
It is often tough because of the loss of a loved one close to them. It might be because of the memory or another kind of difficult loss. Grief Recovery Institute says there are more than 40 types of loss that can produce grief, including looses that involve death, divorce or end of a relationship, loss of health, major financial changes, moving, career changes, loss of faith, and many others.
Just looking at loss from death, there are several dates that cause us to increase our grieving – birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparents Day, Sibling Day, family events (birthdays, weddings, birth of a new child, graduations, other special occasions), and even what we call “angel-versaries” or the anniversary of a loved one’s death. It’s amazing we have any good months!
My tough month is May. My 21-year-old son Brent’s birthday is May 8th, which is always within a few days of Mother’s Day, this year it was exactly on Mother’s Day. I spent my first Mother’s Day in the hospital the weekend I gave birth to him, as he was my oldest. Then the motorcycle accident in which he died was on May 31st. His fiancee Laura graduated from Arizona State University (his college) in May the year after he died and I wanted to be going to his graduation. My 30-year marriage split apart with both a final decision one May and the final divorce decree the following May. Needless to say, May has not been my favorite month, historically.
But I have a new perspective now and May isn’t so bad after all. I’ve worked hard, found my new normal, and believe three important things that help me.
- I believe that my son’s life was a gift to me; I no longer think of it just as a loss
- I believe that my son’s spirit continues and that I still have a relationship with him
- I believe that he wants me to focus on the love, find joy and be well… not to stay in pain
So now, when May rolls around, as it is this month… I celebrate his birthday, I pamper myself on Mother’s Day and I honor him on his angel-versary. I’ve forgiven both sides of the divorce and let it go.
I no longer dread May coming. It’s not like I’m never sad during May, but I accept however I’m feeling and it is okay. Most of the time, I feel much better than I used to and when I have some sad feelings, I don’t try to push them away. I acknowledge them, I might write about them, I might talk to Brent — then I think of some silly positive memory I have with him and I feel better!
Focus on the positive memories. Put the painful ones more to the background.. Know that your loved ones want you to heal, to feel better, to enjoy life again. Know that you will be with them agin someday and that meanwhile they are well and looking in on you. Nothing breaks the bond of love, not even death.
So, hang in there and know that your toughest month of the year doesn’t have to be tough forever…
If you’d like, schedule a free 30-minute healing conversation with me HERE.
…supporting your journey to a new normal.
Barbara
Barbara J Hopkinson
President & Executive Director
If you know someone it would help, please SHARE.
Be sure to LIKE/Follow us or SUBSCRIBE to our newsletter, Thank You!
