- Easier to sink into the pain than fight beyond it?
- Thinking or hearing there is “No End” to your grief?
I get it, I’ve been there…
…even to the point of attempting suicide.
But THAT was my turning point, when I knew I had to CHOOSE to heal!
Grief is a BEAR… and not easy to recover from, especially acute, shocking grief. But it CAN BE DONE… you can HEAL and eventually find a NEW NORMAL.
There are many kinds of devastating grief and loss and it’s not productive to compare them, but they have something in common.
You have two options:
1) Stay in pain – dwell on guilt, anger or regret, wonder ‘why me?’, wallow in your loss
2) Choose to heal – work at it, self-care, seek out healing tools & support, focus on the positive, release the guilt, anger & regret, concentrate on the present, not the past, and have gratitude for everything in your life, including the time you had with your loved one(s).
Then apply some relentless TENACITY to healing and you never know when the turnaround will happen. Keep the faith; BELIEVE you can do it. Do NOT listen to the naysayers who say you can’t or you shouldn’t. I know you CAN because I did it, and I’ve worked with hundreds of others who have. THINK about what your loved ones would want for you… to heal, to feel better, to start to move on… to find hope again, even happiness.
I have overcome many obstacles, including the loss of 3 children, a 30-year marriage, several investments and the sight in my right eye. But, today, I am HAPPY, remarried and loving life, with wonderful memories of my children and a continued spiritual relationship, plus great relationships with my remaining son, my step-children and their partners. I am blessed and grateful ever day. I am also on a mission to help others find their new normal and express themselves in the process.
Nothing is perfect and you may always be sad, especially at certiain meaningful times in your life, about your loss… but we can all change our thinking to improve our situation. A therapist friend reminded me in our discussion over lunch — most of how we interpret our reality is because of the filters we view our life through.
Wayne Dyer said “Change your thinking… Change your life!”
Never give up on trying to heal, live a better, more positive and grateful life. Be tenacious and open-minded in your approach to healing. Try new things, try them more than once. Be diligent about self-care. Use various tools and types of support for healing grief or helping you change your thinking. For example, when I think of my children now, especially my 21-year-old son Brent, who died in a motorcycle accident… I smile and feel his strong fun personality. I remember our good times together. I no longer think about the pain of his loss. Now that I’ve let a lot of the negatives go, I can feel his spirit around me.
Talk about tenacious – look at what the New England Patriots accomplished in the Super Bowl! They were almost down and out, but they believed they could turn it around, and they did. Tom Brady and the team kept trying until they shifted momentum in their favor! In the first half, the Falcons had stronger belief in themselves and had the momentum. Regardless of which team you rooted for, you have to commend the Patriots for not giving up. Okay, I’m a little biased, living north of Boston, but still – it was pretty amazing!
Let us all go after healing our grief the way the New England Patriots went after winning that game. Achieve the level of healing, gratitude and new normal you deserve. You’ll make your loved ones happier and improve the energy all around you – everyone will benefit!
…supporting your journey to a new normal.
Barbara J Hopkinson
President & Executive Director