Are you feeling pressured, judged, or insecure in your grief?
Do NOT let others make you feel that!
… There is no wrong way to grieve!
Loss of a baby, child, sibling, grandchild or anyone before their tine is DIFFERENT than other losses and each of type of loss is unique as well. ALL grief is very difficult, seeming even more so when the loss is unexpected or does not seem in the natural order of things.
Even with similar experiences – the environment is different. We each grieve in our own unique way. This might be affected by the type of death, the timing, our closeness to the person lost, our personality, our surroundings, relationships, cultures, religious or spiritual beliefs, and even stress levels.
Grief is as unique; complex like many other parts of life! We should never assume we know what someone else is feeling, nor should we let them tell us how we should be feeling. That is not always easy. If you are not comfortable pushing back, do or say what you are comfortable with – or say nothing, then do what you want!
But understand that even if they don’t ‘get it’, they likely mean well and may be trying to help. Try not to get angry, judge them or expect too much from them. What you’d like from them may not occur to them. Often, they are afraid to approach you for fear of saying the wrong thing or hurting you. Those that give unsolicited advice may do that or make judgements about other things too – that’s their issue, not yours. Ignore it and figure out what helps you heal. Do THAT.
That is one reason we are building a Resource Center (RC) at A Butterfly’s Journey, so people can use a DIY (Do-It-Yourself) approach to finding things that help them, or they can request our Virtual Support, if they want help navigating the RC or getting individualized assistance. It also allows us to pull in tools from other sources, and add resources that others suggest, which helped them.
If you are having trouble with immediate family – it’s best if you can find a diplomatic way of expressing what you want and what you don’t want or why you feel the way you do. Just so they understand that you process grief differently and hopefully, they will stop trying to change you.
In my experience supporting families, this happens a lot between genders or partners, and misunderstandings are common between parents and siblings of the one lost. Whether or not you go for therapy, want to go to the grave, like ritual, are introverted or extroverted — things are often handled differently within the same family, which can cause friction. Know your family loves you and just wants to see you try things that might help. It IS key to keep an open mind. You’d be surprised at what actually helps sometimes – I was. I learned to try a little of everything, then kept doing what worked for me.
BELIEVE you can heal.
Try new things for your grief
Chose to heal your way!
Comment & share YOUR thoughts & experiences with handling grief in your own way. Wishing you a swift journey to your new normal.
Schedule a complimentary 30-minute conversation HERE.
Barbara J Hopkinson, President & Exec Dir.,
A Butterfly’s Journey… To A New Normal
PS. Please SHARE this blog with other grievers. Thank You.