Tomorrow is my son Brent’s birthday.
He left us just after his 21st birthday. He’d be 33 tomorrow.


Brent & Barbara

I can feel the familiar pall come over me today as I anticipate Brent’s birthday without him physically here, but I know he is here with me spiritually.

How do we commemorate the birthdays of loved ones on the other side?  What do they do to commemorate ours?

We can do many things or almost nothing, but we can’t help but think of them. Hopefully, you can remember them more for the love and the fun times and the positive memories – rather than just the pain and loss, as that is a gift to them. You might buy or make a birthday cake and share it, light a candle, write a poem or journal page in memory of them, bring something to their gravesite, hep someone in their memory – whatever feels right.

I used to go to Brent’s grave, sit on the grass and have lunch with him, sometimes leave him an ice ream sandwich in his favorite flavor (mint chocolate chip), sometimes write a message on a helium balloon and release it to him. Now, I often light a candle at home and meditate with his picture, allowing myself to feel his presence more clearly.

Now, nearly 12 years after his death, I still feel the sad effect of his birthday, but not as strongly, yet I feel his presence more strongly. It’s odd but I feel worse the day before than the actual day, which is true of his ‘angel-versary’ as well. The anticipation can be worse than the actual day. But I know that he wants me to feel good, be happy and know that he’s with me.

As I thought about it, I went looking for a message Brent sent me for MY birthday, through a trusted friend and musician who can hear him. It is a poem titled “A Single Rose”, I’d like to share it:

A Single Rose
(by Brent DeLibero, July 2013)

A single rose I give to you
Within this poem for your Birthday, its true
It will not fade or decay in time
Just like our love, Dear Mother of mine

A single rose, in your heart you may select
The vase, the color, the fragrance, the size
As you also imagine me, I’m with you, you might detect
My voice, my height, my hands, my eyes

What we know to be true, even miles away
What matters, what calls you, what inspires you in each step
Is true every hour, every minute, every day
And is timeless in its loveliness, in each memory carefully kept

I know you are walking a path of great courage and light
I see all your effort, your work and your loyalty
I know you are daring to follow your truth
And all this, other seeking souls may appreciate for eternity

It is not what we find while on earth that matters most
It is believing in our dreams and our investment in loving ways
For by loving we are living, we are giving beyond coast to coast
Let it fly, Mom…Let it be born..just as you were born..
By being you and living what is true
You will create many kinds of
Celebrative Birthdays!

Brent knew that I preferred a SINGLE rose to a whole bouquet!
NOTHING can break the bond of LOVE, not even death…


Wishing you LOVE… and Happy Birthdays to your loved ones!

PS I was in a coffee shop recently and a little boy came over asking me where his friend Mel was. Then his mother came over and he told her he also wanted to be with his big sister. She had a lovely way to have him send them his love and make him feel less lonely. She told him to shape his love into a ball into his hands, then close his eyes and throw it up in the air, thinking of the person he was sending it to… sounds good to me!


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