Hard to believe that another year has passed, isn’t it?

As my NYC business coach* recently asked our business group:

  • What is your greatest lesson of 2013?
  • What you are letting go of from 2013?
  • What you are creating for 2014?

We can adapt these questions to our grief if we’ve lost a loved one in the last year, or even the longer ago than that. But to answer these questions, especially the one for the coming year, we need to keep an open mind.

Hopefully one of the lessons you learned is how much love you had for those you lost and how many positive memories remain. The love and the positive stays with you regardless of if there are any negative memories associated with them or not. Focus on the love and the positive — it is a great healer. Your loved ones are in a beautiful place now, surrounded by love; they are operating at that higher energy vibration. If you find yourself enmeshed in a negative or totally painful place, it’s harder for them to reach out to you, more difficult for you to feel their presence or receive their signs and messages. Keep an open mind to their continued existence and focus on the LOVE. It will help you heal.

I also hope that you are letting go of some of the anger, pain or negativity surrounding the death of your child or loved one, as well as the fear of continuing without them. They want you to feel better, to heal, to forgive. You may need to forgive them, others involved in their death or even to forgive yourself for some real or imagined self-blame. Ideally, you can keep an open mind and find a way to do that. It may not be easy, but it is worth it. It will help you heal.

In terms of what you are creating for the next year… my wish for you is that it includes the love and forgiveness mentioned above as well as other things that allow you to heal. In the last chapter of my book, I mention the three most important things which I learned over the ten years after my older son’s death, along with my spiritual journey.
They include: (details in “A Butterfly’s Journey”)

  • Be good to yourself, keep an open mind, and trust your intuition
  • Helping others helps you heal
  • It’s all about the LOVE

We manage grief in our own unique way. Allow yourself to keep an open mind to try new things. Find what works best for you, and trust your intuition rather than others’ opinions is so much more effective. It is also amazing how much you heal when you shift the focus off yourself, point it at helping others and see what good you can do. Lastly, everything good is fueled by and powered by love. Love is the connecting force in the universe and that which connects you to your loved ones. Keep love as your focus and an open mind to everything else. It will help you heal.

Wishing you a happy, healthy, and love-filled new year!


* my business coach is Monica Shah in NYC 

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